🍿 Only We Know

Wait.

Very few people can and, unfortunately, I'm not one of them. Given a problem or a situation, I always instinctively look for a solution and, once I do (or think I do), I dive into implementing that solution.

Ryan, at the start of the movie, feels just like that. He's sad when he remembers and misses Sofia (the problem) but when he's drunk or working on something, his mind temporarily is focused on something other than his loss (a "solution"). So, logically, he keeps on doing that, he keeps on solving his problem.

Betty, on the other hand, seems to have a handle on things. Several years living by herself, being friends with her ex-husband, and finding rewarding things to do on her own. She even explicitly said that she has learned to accept the fact that she can't be happy all the time and, while that's easy to say, it is infinitely harder to live that way but she seems to be doing the impossible.

My theory for the movie's title, "Only We Know": it hints on a deeper connection, a much more intimate relationship between Ryan and Betty. And by "intimate" I don't mean sexually (though I'm not ruling it out) but something that someone aside from them two will never comprehend. That's why in the New Year's party they limit themselves to a hug when everyone else around them is kissing: they both know that they do not have to show anything to anyone.

Betty's line when they were inside the tent supports it:

"Friendship is the most romantic of all relationships: mas mapagbigay, mas mapag-unawa, mas malaya."

And I agree. Even my strict, unconventional, and personal definition of friendship agrees with hers. Compared to any other kind of relationship, a genuine friendship is stronger, kinder, and more understanding than other, more restrictive types.

Most romantic ones expect exclusivity (i.e. husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend) and once it ends, it is generally frowned upon to go back. Hierarchical relationships expect one to be subservient to the other (i.e. parent/child, boss/subordinate, or teacher/student), an imbalance from the very start. Relationships that are more casual also don't come with many expectations (i.e. classmates, workmates, acquaintances, etc.) and losing one doesn't really affect either.

Friendship, the genuine type, is more open: you can have one or more and those doesn't have to be exclusive, your friends can also be friends with each other. Friends fight but there are very few red lines that can forever stop them from being friends again. There is no power structure, and therefore the willingness to help when you can and the humbleness to accept help when you need it.

But what happens when you mix those relationship types? If you're lucky, a better one. But 83% of the time, disaster. Marry your "best friend"? Divorce or an unhappy marriage. Befriend your bosses? They or you move to a different company and lose contact. Try to get closer to someone you met online? Ghosted.

The movie is about two lucky people who found a real friend when they both needed it. One was grieving the death of a loved one, the other trying to continue living after dying inside multiple times.

I wonder, do we all get at least one friendship like that? Betty found at least two, the most recent one she met in her 60s. Ryan also found two, the second she met while grieving the first.

How about me? Will I? Have I, but squandered it? If so, will I find another? How long do I have to… wait?